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Wednesday, July 29, 2009, 6:28 AM
Realbored

Lessons these days I must admit are EVERYTHING but FUN! Oh my god. Really man. I need something, ANYTHING to jolt me up. It is just simply...boring. I had never found classes these boring since term 3 started man. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?

I'm becoming more and more worried for my results. I have deproved. I feel it. I''m getting complacent. I need to get myself back on the track. I'm getting a little too cocky. I had better study before the worst happens.

I also noticed something. I noticed a lost something. I lost something deep in my heart. It was etched into me since young. I loved to do it.
SMILE.
Happiness!
Where have these 2 gone? For those who are closer to me, you would probably notice that I aren't extremely happy these days. At least not as ecstatic as those days in the past. It had gone like, overnight! Well the 2 girls beside me MIGHT have noticed. When term 3 started and I first went to sit beside them, I was a mischievous little boy, earning happiness in other's demise. I loved to play then. I remembered. For every small thing, I am content. No, not even content. Im actually HAPPY. But now, achievements are nothing. My own achievements are honestly NOTHING to me now. It isn't that I'm trying to show off or anything, but really, I realised. My aim isn't to score . I want deep in my heart to help others.

When I see other's faces light up, I feel myself beaming with energy as well. Honestly, I would say, I do get envious when someone scores better than me in a subject I am good at, but I usually keep it to myself. If he/she will come to ask me a question on that subject, I would more than willingly help. But now, I am becoming...emotionless. Yes. I know. You see me smile in class, walking home, but have you ever wondered, if those smiles of mine contained actual happiness? If you have and have come to the right conclusion after reading this post, I applaud you. If not... no problem. I don't know why I don't feel the happiness that I feel in the past. If this is what you people call 'maturing', I'd rather not have it. It is painful you know. I don't want to lose happiness to be 'cool' I honestly don't.